Once upon a time, before I knew what it was like to go weeks on end without a decent nights sleep (hint: think involuntary genital removal...well, actually, you can probably go ahead and think voluntary genital removal if you'd like because I can't imagine it being significantly more pleasant), I was an attention craving child that liked to sidle up to people, get very close to their faces, and with great pleading eyes, demand that they pay attention to me. This, of course, I thought was quite charming of me and amused me to no end. Though somehow it failed to win over the hearts and minds of my friends and loved ones...go fig.
Like this.
Fast forward a bit, and it turns out fate is just plain old mean and I have been presented with a baby who likes him some serious attention. Not like, "hey, if you could play with me for a while that'd be great" or even "sing me a song, tell me a story, I need to be entertained" but rather "OH MY GOD WE"RE BOTH AWAKE AND YOU'VE BROKEN EYE CONTACT I'LL SMITE YOU ALL!"
So, the hairy one is going to kiss my foot while the sleepy one photographs me... Nope, still not enough attention, might I suggest you sacrifice a goat to me?
Not that I'm saying we don't love to spend time with him because he is rather charming in a twistedly evil, tyrannical sort of way. It's not like he doesn't want you to be happy too, it's just that he can only spare a token pleasantry here and there before we get back to tending to his own need to be stared at like a magic eye puzzle. I like to think of him as Mengele bearing cupcakes...he's trying.
Good morning! We will begin the experiments shortly, but FIRST, would you like a cookie?
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